My hobbies are simple: being frightened of spinach, talking loudly in public places, moving things just a fraction of an inch from where they were when no one's looking, making clothes out of navel lint, getting sick on catsup, reading newspapers, but only over someone's shoulder, making eye contact just a moment too long, door-to-door Wikipedia sales, smooshing movie titles together to form new ones, such as Madagascarface or A Hard Day's Night of the Living Dead.
Remember: almost every hand you shake has had someone's penis in it at some time or other. Even your grandmother's. You're welcome.