Over the past several years, I have been housebound, afraid to venture outdoors because of an absolute lack of confidence in myself, and my physical appearance. Although I am considered by some (mostly blind people) to be an attractive individual, I have harboured a shameful secret for years which has severely hampered my self-esteem and overall ability to socialise, enter into meaningful dialogue with others, or indeed interact with people on any level.
Now, for the first time, I am able to articulate my issue aloud.

I had discoloured labia.

Rather than sporting a lush, baby pink rosebud, I instead had skin-coloured genitals. While I know there are others worse off than me in life (for example, women with freckles, naturally kinky hair or sagging breasts), this physical deformity undermined my confidence to the extent that I could never transcend the sheer horror and self disgust which weighed down my existence.  Days and nights melded in to a long, pointless and insignificant drudge of self-loathing and despair.

Until I discovered this product:  http://www.mynewpinkbutton.com

Thank God, someone out there has not just identified with my personal issue, this millstone around my neck, but actually had the courage and foresight to provide a remedy.
Now, my labia shines more brightly than a glow worm, day and night. I feel transformed. No longer am I housebound, bemoaning the fact that I cannot enjoy the simple things in life like other women, such as cooking for my lover, doing laundry or painting my nails - now, I do all of this and more with gusto.  My labia is luminous.  My vaginal vulgarity is vanquished.  My lady garden is beautiful.  I can now walk down the street in crotchless panties, flushed with pride.  I will never find the words to truly articulate just how transformational, life-changing and liberating this outstanding product is.  I encourage others with disappointing frontal flowers to embrace this wonder that is now available.  

Since I started using this product we no longer need night lights or even flash lights.  I just point my crotch in the direction we want to go.

After introducing this amazing product to some of my girl friends (ok..just Webby), we've decided to start our own rock band.  We're calling it "Insane Clown Pussy". 

I'm off to wax my hoo-hah.  Wouldn't want to be a FREAK.  Can you imagine having  grey labia AND pubes.  Christ.

Fine Print:   This product may cause a minimum amount of permanent scarring and a complete loss of sexual response - but who needs that anyway, sex is for men!  My New Pink Button has never been tested on animals (so if it burns your skin off or causes cancer that's your problem).  Also...this is clearly a joke...sorry if you didn't get it.