Buzzen Forum
User Forum => Chit Chat => Topic started by: RealWingsFan on October 22, 2017, 10:32:53 PM
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Is there a way to deal with grief ?
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yeah stay outta buzzen
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No easy way to handle grief except to accept that there will be times when the loss hits you more than most times. lts easy to say your gonna get over it, but unless they have walked the walk, no one really can say. Just remember all the good parts of the memories and nurse them until your ready to lay them to rest and that makes it easier. We all handle grief in different ways. You handle it how you want and dont worry how others think afterall its yours. Good luck.
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It's crippling. I am dealing with the same issue now. I've noticed that its often a random thought about a specific thing that the person will no longer share with you that sets you off. Distraction seems to help some, try to stay busy and keep your mind elsewhere. I wonder if that will just cause the grief to come crashing down later, but for now it's helping. The bottom line is that time heals all wounds. It lessens over time but by all accounts remains forever. One thought dawned on me early on that I've found to be somewhat comforting and hopefully helpful to you too, that being that the degree of pain associated with that grief is commensurate with the degree of love you feel for the person. he more you love them, the more your heart breaks. Your pain is a tribute to them. It's still early for me, 6 days since my mother suddenly died. Sometimes I think I can't handle it, so I suppress it and am able to function until another wave of grief washes over me. They say the only real cure for depression is helping someone else. Perhaps that strategy will work here. Time will help. Stay strong, I feel for you.
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I myself have not had to experience it, but I have walked through it with my friend Cosmina this last year and I am not so sure I could be as strong as she has been. I have NEVER seen her be anything but strong, independent and happy and for the first time ever I saw something bring her to her knees. It is scary to think someday I will experience grief. All I can say is never give up. and like she says...give it time, have no expectations and there is no right or wrong way to do it. And its okay to totally focus on yourself and not worry about anyone else for awhile. Bless all who are grieving in here. Hugs
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for every time you feel grief from the loss of a loved one, sit down take a few deep breaths ok then start remembering the many good times you spent with that love one. remember the day that they died is just one day of a persons life time. once you start letting them go and recalling the love you shared with them is the day you start living again. that person that died sure wouldn't want you spending the rest of your life grieving them. believe me i know from experience losing a loved one is tuff too deal with and accept. thats why i refer now too rememebering the good times and the love they shared with me when i miss them. doesn't mean i love them less it just means i accept life and death as they walk hand in hand beside each other . becuase i am sure once i die i will get too see them again in the after life :) so look up in the sky or even at a picture of the loved one that you lost and smile back so they know your going too be just fine :) >>>>>>>>>>> dave_g
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Well said Dave!
When my Dad passed 19 years ago, I was not in a good place in my personal life. I struggled with four young sons to get through the day. My kids helped kept me focused on the big picture....Living life for myself and those dear to me. My dad was known for his fried chicken so we would make "Grandpa" chicken. As my kids grew, they would share "Grandpa" chicken with their friends. So today, my dad is well remembered by so many who never met him. My dad is still giving, even though he is long gone. It brings me great peace to know that many make his chicken.
Find something that was special to the one who passed on and sing, dance, cook or do some other activity that gave meaning to their life. I am sure you will find some comfort is celebrating things that made them happy.
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well said dave, life and time we spend together should be celebrated
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No, grief is a pain that you feel when the person that you love has gone out of your reach and will never be back again.
You can cry but the pain is still there. You miss them something fierce. :'(
If you have lost someone in death, I pray that you find some comfort with awesome times you have spend together.
All the beautiful memories you made.
Hugs
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So many definitions. We all have our stories, journeys, experiences to share. All good.
Something I found online made sense. " grief is the reflection of the connection that has been lost "
Some have religious views which may offer comfort, while others don't. Out of respect for all I try to avoid referencing belief systems.
Following much contemplation on the topic of grief all I can come up with is that there appears to be a huge chasm, a cosmic gulf if you will, that stands between the living and the dead.
I could go on, but you'll do your own research, just like everyone else.
It's a very personal journey.
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I have experienced grief and NO there is no EASY way to deal with it It has been 8 years since I lost my boy in a car accident. There are days a song on the radio gets me teary eyed or I just remember a memory. A day at a time and remember that they are no longer with us but they are around us I see my son as my guardian angel .. . Nothing anyone can do or nothing anyone can say can make it better but do know that memories give your heart comfort. Hope this helped. My condolences on your loss and thoughts are with you.
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grief, an interesting emotion and unless you're from an ancient tribal heritage and belief system that values embracing, relating to it and communing with grief, you don't have an emotional backstory to relate to.
do you know ALL lifeforms manifest grief behaviors? research the subject and feel informed and guided
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2É·bumps4uâ„¢ so advanced.
So very very advanced, completely beyond the self, thus gone.
Salutations to you.
Blake 7 LeFarge
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Staying busy helps short-term, don't dwell on the loss, remember the good times. It's a long, slow process and we never get over it completely, it's always there lurking in the shadows. Don't let the grief overcome you.
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Personally,since I believe in reincarnation,grief for me is is based more on what was,than than what is. I catch myself stopping to reflect on certain memories with those who have left this journey and started a new one. As the surviving triplet, I often wonder what or how different my life would have been had my siblings survived.
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8 years ago I lost my sister to cancer, my initial thought was to be angry, and for the first time in my life I experienced depression.
When I realized my state of mind after her passing, I found myself once again.
Our journey begun with one visit at the doctor's office, she had some regular testing to do, and a couple of hours later; we got the dreaded phone call that she needed to come to the doctor's office. I have worked in the medical field and know well that when you get that phone call, it's never good news. I accompany her because I knew it in my heart that it was going to be bad.
The doctors found she had stage 4 cancer and gave her options, but not much of a good outcome in her diagnosis. Rounds of Chemotherpay and Radiation only made her weak and weary, I saw how her life changed from being a super independent individual to needing total care at home. I quit my job for one year to dedicate my time to care for her fulltime. My sister and I had always been close, but it was not until then that I knew the quality person that she was in the fullest. I thought that I was there to care and nurture her, but I too learned from her; I was able to grow personally in levels I had never been pushed to learn before, her courage made me realize my day to day worries were nothing, my life found new perspective and my compassion grew stronger.
I saw her life become richer in the little time that she had, her love for life was outstanding, I will never take one day for granted anymore or complain about how I would rather want to be in bed than to get up. I treasure the time we spent together in that one year; I am forever grateful to her for showing me how to love without any restraint regardless of the circumstances. Because of her selfless love, I have become who I am, even in the midst of her sacrifice and pain.
When I talked to her about death, (we both knew it was close) she told me that she had made her peace with God, and that she had no fear, she was ready. She whispered me in her fragile voice, "You need to live your life because you deserve it, I will always be with you because we have shared our sorrows together" So I tell you, grieving is a very normal stage of our lives at the loss of a loved one, but remember the joys and the sorrows that you had together, live a life with your loved ones now, without regrets, grudges or leaving it for later, now it's the time to build memories, those memories that will make that person feel alive within you at each breath you take.
Sorry for the losses of your loved ones. May they RIP, may they sing with angels, and may one day we will all unite again.
Eclissi
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Thanks for sharing this Eclissi. I lost my Dad suddenly this week and today my grief is very raw. People have spoken of all the stages of grief and the acceptance that one comes to eventually. I am sorry for your loss and I know a sisters love is like no other as I have a sister and we share everything. I pray that I too find the acceptance and the ability to smile when I remember Dad and the life we shared rather than the fountain of tears I currently experience. :'(
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Dairy Moo,
I am deeply sorry about your loss, I too lost a brother suddenly 4 years ago, and it is an unbearable feeling because you're left with so many unanswered questions.
Time will heal you hunny, right now cry if that is comforting to you, whatever it is comforting do that, you owe no one an explanation of your feelings or your emotions. Do know that eventually you do come to the realization of your loss, and you start to bring them back to life in the memories that you've created with them.
Your dad is and will always be alive in your heart. You know where to find me if you need to talk.
Eclissi
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Having buried my husband and 2 of my adult kids I am familiar with grief. There are no words to describe it and it is something I could never wish upon anyone. My heart is with you both. After losing someone we love we are never the same.Wee literally start a new life defined before and after the death. Wanting to go back to where we were is such a strong desire. It becomes the new you. We laugh, live and love again but we are forever changed. We love deeper, the small things become even smaller and reality becomes so much more real. But all the time we continue to grow. We become more forgiving, less judgmental and so much wiser. A right of passage of sorts. Thank you for feeling safe enough to share, may your hearts mend. Remember there is no way to grieve or time limit. It just happens...one second, then one minute, soon one hour and then a day at a time. Hugs
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Cosmina,
You are so right, it happens suddenly that your heart finds healing, there is no rush in grieving as you said, there's only day by day or second by second. Sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing.
Eclissi
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I once read that grief is the feeling you get when you have so much love built up and have no where to release it.... that being said, I have found the best way to deal with grief is to never stop loving/thinking of/talking about/ laughing with or talking to the one you lost! They will always be a part of you and what you will continue to do, they just will not be there physically! And if you can find somewhere else to use that love, you have building up inside you, it may not be in the same form it was used in before but someone/something out there is in need of love and you would be the perfect person to give it....
Just remember you're not alone on this new journey, your life will go on and hopefully you can find the path that leads you to happiness once again!
Hugs SFG
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A harrowing , but all too common story.
The message is the same though , take reasonable care of our health..and live each day .
I've come across 3 people already this month dealing with cancer issues.
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Sadly, having cancer has nothing to do with being healthy, of course we increase all sorts of disease when our weight isn't ideal, my sister was in top shape, always ate healthy, we had no history of cancer and yet she became our first family member with cancer, and lost her battle sadly. Yes, take care of yourself, but cancer same as death does not discriminate.
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My father died a couple years ago. I was sad but happy he accomplished a lot during his life. I have had several dreams of him that were quite endearing to me.
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It takes a while to fix a broken heart. I dealt with my grief by focusing on survival skills like eating, sleeping, hygiene, and working out. As time progressed, I got stronger and so did my heart.
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"After losing someone we love we are never the same.Wee literally start a new life defined before and after the death. Wanting to go back to where we were is such a strong desire. It becomes the new you. "
I have never heard "it" so adequately described.
There is no answer for grief and no words anybody can say that help..Not in my experience..It just is, its there, and you are forever changed, but time does make it easier to breath...Eventually.
I disagree with the dude who said "stay out of buzzen" If i didnt have buzzen and this distraction over the past 8 months-But, going out, laughing and living that carefree life has been gone for a while, but this little bubble (Buzzen) somehow filled a tiny bit of the void.
You will breath again, and it will become easier to live again...In the meantime know that youre not alone, and dont judge your grief just hold on(L)(L)
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so... this is where all you geeks hang out huh...lol